December 13, 2010--Part 2

First of all Happy New Year to all...i hope this 2011 will be a better year to all from angles..fabulous year ahead ok friends!

Ok ni sambungan...where was i...in the ambulance, right? ok ne no ne no sampai Hospital Tengku Ampuan Afzan (HTAA)

When it was confirmed (by my gynae) that i had to be sent to HTAA, the first thing that struck my mind was the hassle of dealing with govt bodies....i.e. the red tapes and the customer service... i hate to be judgmental but then we are being fed with these information -mouth to mouth and the news ---and that scares me.. Thus, I requested my gynae to call HTAA beforehand and asked him to send me to high risk emergency ward.

Upon arrival at the emergency ward at about 1pm, basically the doctors there were fully aware with my situation. First thing first, I was asked to strip--siap lah aku tanya, kena ke? bersatu hati dia org jawap, YA kena pakai the hospital gown--dah "belong" tu mula rasa nak terkencing, but my request was turned down, terus dia pasang tube utk kencing...sakit kak :(

-then they did a thorough check, from the cervix, blood check, CTG, scan etc and finaly the specialist made her decision that i have to undergo an emergency caesarian.

The moment of truth....pulak specialist tu cakap, "kite scan baby ok tapi kite tak tahu for sure baby's physical condition and all"...maka meleleh lah air mata aku...i was scared ...really scared tahap cipan ...i am scared thinking about the baby and also scared of the operations!

Then i told myself that i have to stop crying and need to calm myself --basically i need to prepare myself mentally for the operations--, if i cried doctor nak buat kerja pun susah and my dear hubby mesti resah gelisah...and i dont want that to happen. Punya nak mentally prepared, sampai depan operation theatre, the nurse cakap " awak tak nak salam suami ke?" ...mak aii, tetiba rasa macam nak mati...maka kite salam lah suami kite...a brief one...kalau cakap cakap mesti nangis so salam aje. In GH, husband is not allowed in the operation theatre --during Afi dulu kat UK, kite boleh sembang2 while the doctor teroka perut kite!

Like a split second , i was already in the OT... I was put on local anaesthetic, the anaesthetician is a male doctor and i have to mention here that he is very good. He administered the epidural so well, i barely felt anything when the needle went into my spine and he actually talked to me through out the operation. Another scary moment is when the doctors tested the numbness--they used needle to poke certain areas and asked if we can feel anything. That was pretty scary for me, what if they only poke one area and we dont feel anything there but we may feel something at the other side ???? confusing huh...i was just scared, i guess :)

I was also trembling through out the whole operation--my whole body was shaking not only voice shaky, the doctor asked me if i was cold and at the same time told me that they had a warmer on my chess --i just answered them , i really did not know what i was feeling--

At 2.52pm, i could feel something was detached from me, and the anaes told me that my baby was out..safely delivered and like Ahmad Adib, there was no sound from the baby and again, that put me in another traumatic situation...I repeatedly asked the Anaes if my baby was ok and why there was no cries---and after a few seconds, i heard Ahmad Aariz's first cry and god knows, that was the most soothing and calming sound which i ever heard in my whole life.

For some reason it took longer to "seal" than to "open" me :) -after 45min to 1 hour, i was wheeled out to an open area near to the exit --still inside the OT--I was left there for about 10 to 15 min , i think ...for them to observe any reaction after the ops...and from there i could see my otherhalf waiting outside ...and that was the best "blurrish" sight i ever had ........... He is truly my strengh...

At this very moment, my baby Ahmad Aariz is still in the hospital, insyallah he is in a stable condition. He is a premie baby whom weighted 1.12kg at birth. This whole thing is such an experience not only to me but for us as a family... we take it sebagai ujian untuk kite memperbaiki diri dan kehidupan ini...Amin.

I cant wait for the day to cuddle and bring Aariz home....