kesibukan melampau - bad day!

 aloooooo ...salam musim bunga from Welly ...

 tulip kuning kat Botanic Garden ...aku cedok from FB Maryam :-)

It is past midnight here in Welly ...and akak baru abis siapkan satu task yang sepatutnya akak antar pada sv petang tadi ...but thank God for technology kan ...i can antar lambat thru email ajer ...well that is one thing sorted ...banyak lagi things yang aku tak buat lagi (but they are not due esok ..so kira ok lah) ....i can sense the stress coming ...but, Dr M kata ...stay postive...dont make unnecessary pressure ...so I keep that in mind ...keep calm and all that le .....i dont know lah, my day started so well today ...i had a leisurely breakfast at home ...a leisurely walk to the office ...masuk2 my office was nice and warm sebab both opismate dah sampai and the heater is on ...so takde la sejuk ....and my work was ok ...then, suddenly semua go haywired ...i realised i forgot my glasses ..so akak rabun jauh ...but i dont need my glasses masa buat kerja kat opis ...so that was a no biggie ...then dapat emel sv ..remind esok meeting ...with a list of task ...i only did half jer ...the other half belummmmmmmm mula ...so tu yang kelam kabut naik bot ...sampai tak makan ....dah le aku malas menapau from home ...aku malas kuar bilik utk gi beli makanan ....aku cuma bawak 2 biji apples ajer ...sedih tak sedih nya ...but i have biskut kat opis ...my emergency stock ....nie kira emergency le kan ...so makan biskut ...but a friend drop by with lemon cake ...so that was nice ...aku makan cake, apple and kopi panas for lunch at 4pm ..and end up balik rumah kol 8.30 malam ...saat2 macam nie always make me question myself ...why am i doing this??? even my mom skype tadi pun aku kata takleh ckap lama and i will call back sebab kerja tak siap ...nasib my mom faham and tak kecik ati .... but now that kerja aku siap ...i am relieve ...and I know aku buat semua ini untuk masa depan aku jugak (statement poyo kan)

lemon and sour cream cake

Esok is another long day ..i always had a super busy few hours before my meeting. My sv is a very thorough person ...so i need to be prepared ..sebab tau sangat perangai dia ..dia akan tanya benda2 yang aku tak terfikir ....so in order to overcome that, i need to basically know apa yang aku nak cakap ...which papers i used, page berapa semua tu ....at least aku tak nampak bodoh di mata dia ...i am such a sensitif person ...hahaha sejak buat phd ni mudah sangat terasa ati...sometimes I feel so stupid coz takes me  a while to think and to do some things ...aiyoooo mucho stupido ...that frauster syndrome memang menebal lah ...hates it so damn much...

but dalam kesibukan tu, malam esok the girls and I are going out ...to celebrate anita's viva ..she has reached the end of her phd journey ...so happy for her ...maka esok malam semua akan dinner and party to celebrate ....cannot wait for that ...in the meantime, akak nak log off ...nak titun dulu ....nanti2 aku update lagi ..

on a reflective note, if only lah aku menulis proposal tu semudah aku menulis blog posting kannnnnn ...nie i hate myself coz i sometime fail to communicate in writing what is actually in my head ...and my English tu yarabi ...it is hard when i did my thinking in Iban ..in English and in BM ...then nak kena tulis in grammatically correct english ...nak mampus siotttt ....minggu nie and minggu lepas merupakan minggu paling kuat aku nangis sejak enrol phd nie ...kat luar aku nampak cam aku happy ...takde masalah ...tapi dalam ati penuh tangisan ...it is so damn hard!!!! and guess what ...less 3 weeks draft aku harus siap ....but, i will be calm ...no sense in nangis if kerja tak jalan kannnnn ...so all i can say is ...take one day at a time ......

yup ...i may think i am having a great difficulties ...but there are people who are in worst situation than me ...so, i am grateful for what i have, bersyukur sangat2 ...a chance to do my phd in a country tht i have grown to love ..in a place that is so beautiful with langit nan biru and tulip mekar segar ...and wlaupun jauh dari keluarga, i have a great circle of friends who will drop everything to cheer me up ...and adik beradik yang se-whatsapp away ....and my pandora and yetis (hahaha i know you two read this!) yang selalu jadi good listeners ....so, it is not a bad life ...i am just having my bad days ....

good night peeps ...tomorrow is another day :-)